Using Your Head
by Tsukitani
Summary: One-shot satire, loosely based on Sleeping Beauty. Yukiru.


Disclaimer: Don't own them, but if someone wants to lend them to me...*grins*  
  
Okay, this idea has been bouncing around in my head for about...oh, I don't know...three hours, and I couldn't wait to type it out. This is a sort-of satire, sort-of parody based on "Sleeping Beauty". (Very loosely based on "Sleeping Beauty"!) So, please take it with a grain of salt, people! I tried to keep it as in character as possible, but...well, you know how things can get out of hand.  
  
(By the way, thank you, AnGeL-chan, for lending Ha-san to me!)  
  
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Using Your Head  
  
"Tohru-kun! Tohru-kun!" Shigure's voice, almost frantic, rang through the house.  
  
Kyou and Yuki snaped their heads up at the unprecedented note of surprise and desperation in the inu's voice. Without wasting a breath, both boys were up and running toward the sound, skidding to a stop in front of the kitchen door. The sight that greeted their eyes had them gaping in surprise.  
  
Kneeling on the floor, her head cradled almost tenderly in his lap, Shigure held Tohru's crumpled form, protecting her from the chill of the floor.  
  
"What the hell happened?," Kyou demanded angrily, fear making the words harsher than usual, "Did you do something to her, say something to her, you damn pervert?"  
  
It was a testament to the dog's discombobulation that he did not bemoan the unfair accusation from his yound cousin, simply turned wide, stunned eyes to the pair poised in the doorway.  
  
"I didn't do anything," he asserted weakly, "I came in to see what was for dinner, and caught Tohru just as she pricked her finger on the paring knife."  
  
"What-did she cut herself that badly?" Yuki asked, looking around the fallen girl's form for any trace of crimson, "Did she faint from the sight of blood?"  
  
Shigure shook his head and held up one of his little flower's pale, slender fingers.  
  
"No, it's only a tiny prick-hardly any blood at all," he sounded truly puzzled, "I don't think she even got a look at her finger before she just...collapsed."  
  
"Ah!" exclaimed a new voice from the doorway leading to the back verandah. Yuki groaned and closed his eyes, and Kyou would have left if his beloved wasn't lying on the floor in a heap.  
  
"The princess has been placed under an evil spell! Yuki! As Tohru-kun's handsome prince, you must save her!"  
  
White hair flying in an unfelt breeze, stars glittering around his handsome form, Ayame posed dramatically in the doorway, hands uplifted in supplication to his beloved younger brother and pet project. He was ecstatic at the turn of events (though he was slightly distressed to see adorable Tohru passed out on the ground), and just knew that this would be the final push to get his brother into Tohru's arms-and hopefully her-  
  
"Aya!" Shigure cried, cutting off the snake's wayward (and inappropriate) thoughts, "When did you get here?"  
  
The dog would have jumped up to greet his friend properly, but the weight of Tohru's head in his lap prevented it. He settled for grinning madly at the hebi, who was prancing over to inspect the "fallen princess" for himself. Before he could get much farther, though, two fists impacted the back of his skull, sending him flying through the sliding door to the forest outside.  
  
"Get out, you damn pervert!" screamed Kyou, huffing with the force of his ire.  
  
Yuki remained silent, fist still raised and eyebrow twitching at the sudden and unwanted appearance of his annoyingly aggravating and garrulous brother.  
  
Shigure pouted slightly at the rough treatment of his friend. After all, Aya had only been trying to help, right? He had made a good suggestion, too. The wheels in his head turned in their usual manner, and a crafty gleam came into his eye. Hmm...this situation could definitely be turned to his-he meant Tohru-kun's-advantage, if he played the boys right.  
  
Clearing his throat, he adopted a concerned expression (not an entirely difficult thing, since he was somewhat concerned about the length of time Tohru had been passed out-after all, he had only...he shook his head and concentrated on other matters.  
  
Ah, but, as long as her sweet little form was in his lap, he was okay with it, so suggested, "Perhaps we should call Ha-san...?"  
  
That was all it took, and the boys were off and running, fighting over who would reach the phone first to inform the doctor of Tohru's collapse.  
  
Shigure smirked. So easy to manipulate, those two, especially when it came to their little flower. Now, if only they remained as pliant later...  
  
With much fuss and fighting over who would touch the girl (Ayame had returned, but was strictly forbidden-upon pain of death-from touching her), Tohru's limp and still unresponsive form was carried up to her room. Shigure was also threatened with a violent end if he touched the girl again, especially after the boys lifted her head from the inu's lap and found...well, you can just imagine Shigure's state. Tohru is a high school girl, after all.  
  
After Kyou and Yuki settled her into bed, Yuki lingered a moment, tucking the blankets around her shoulder more snugly. He looked around furtively, then allowed himself the forbidden pleasure and peaceful comfort of running his fingers over the girl's brow. Was it just him, or was her soft skin a little paler than usual?  
  
At the sound of a throat clearing in the doorway, the mouse jumped guiltily and twisted to see Shigure and Ayame standing in the doorway with matching smirks gracing their faces. Shigure wiggled his eyebrows suggestively while Ayame opened his mouth to deliver some no doubt long-winded and irksome speech.  
  
Before he could get started on his monologue, though, Yuki pushed past the pair with a curt, "Save it!", ignoring the knowing looks the two shot him as he swept by.  
  
Hatori couldn't arrive fast enough for him, he thought irritably. What was keeping the dragon, anyway?  
  
As if on cue, the front door rattled open on it's guides and Hatori stood in the entryway, panting slightly from his rush to arrive. He was removing his shoes haphazardly while barking out questions to Kyou, who had been waiting for him.  
  
"What happened? Does she have a fever? You said something about Tohru-kun cutting herself on a knife. Have you stopped the bleeding?" The series of rapid-fire questions met the stuttered replies of the frustrated cat, who couldn't get a full sentence out, much less even one brief reply, before Hatori had steam rolled over it to bark out the next query.  
  
Just as Kyou's face was turning red, his hair rising to stand on end in extreme irritation, the hassenchi gave up on his interrogation in favor of seeing his patient for himself. He brushed brusquely past the irritated and still-boiling cat, heading for the stairs and Tohru's room.  
  
He was met in the hall by an anxiously pacing Yuki and widely grinning Ayame and Shigure. Shaking his head at his two friends (he didn't want to think about why they would seem pleased at Tohru's illness...what did the two have going on in those fluffy, devious heads of theirs?), he ignored everyone for the moment, instead briskly ordering everyone to "stay out while I examine her". And with that, Hatori snapped the door to Tohru's room closed. All was quiet in the hallway during the doctor's inspection except for the swish and slide of socks on the hardwood floor as Yuki paced with impatience. Kyou had retreated to the roof in annoyance, not wanting to be faced with the sight of his cursed cousins' faces, certain he would punch someone in his anxiety.  
  
Normally, he wouldn't mind doing some damage to their handsome, smirking faces, but it would upset Tohru to know that someone had been hurt while she was unable to help, sooo...he held himself back. Only for her sake, though. And when she was recovered...he punched one fist into his other palm in anticipation.  
  
Back inside the house, the door to Tohru's room slid open again, and Hatori stepped out, a subdued and slightly confused look on his face.  
  
All three waiting in the hallway jumped at his sudden reappearance, and Yuki demanded, "Well? Is she going to be okay?"  
  
The dragon raised clouded eyes to his cousin and shook his head slightly, as if just now coming back from somewhere far away.  
  
"As far as I can tell," he began slowly, "Tohru-kun doesn't have a fever, and did not faint from an illness."  
  
"Then what could have caused my little flower to collapse into my arms?" Shigure asked, as if he didn't know. Maybe he should stop wearing his yukata tied so loosely...but he hated feeling restricted in any way.  
  
Before Hatori could answer, he was cut off by Ayame's exuberant response, "She has fallen into a deep and enchanted sleep because of a prick to her finger! Just like Sleeping Beauty!" he sparkled madly.  
  
Yuki and Hatori groaned at the hebi's over-the-top theatrics, but Shigure seemed to be nodding in agreement and hanging on his friend's every word.  
  
"Yes, indeed! And just like the fairy tale, no one will be able to wake the sleeping princess except the handsome, wonderful, fairy prince...in other words, my little brother Yuki!"  
  
"Don't call me a fairy, you fairy!!" the much-maligned mouse yelled, attacking his brother and beating him into a twitching heap.  
  
Shigure stepped in with calming, ineffectual hand gestures, saying placatingly, "Now, now, Yuki-kun. There is no need to commit murder over this."  
  
"Indeed," Hatori said thoughtfully, "Ayame may have a point."  
  
Both Yuki and Shigure gaped at the hassenchi in surprise at this unexpected and unprecedented support of one of Ayame's wild theories, but the snake simply smiled brokenly, weakly trying to sparkle again at his cousin's show of obvious intelligence.  
  
"Thank you, Gure-san! I knew you had brains!"  
  
"Shut up!" Yuki shouted, toeing his brother in the side to emphasize the order. "What the hell are you talking about, Hatori? It's ridiculous to think hat Honda-san is under some sort of evil spell. She only fainted!"  
  
Hatori looked thoughtful for a moment more before explaining his idea to the group gathered around. Kyou had joined them in the hall soon after hearing the racket of Yuki beating his brother, and came down to hear the doctor's pronouncement on Tohru's condition.  
  
"Evil spell? What the hell is that damn pervert going on about now?" he demanded, but the dragon ignored him.  
  
"Of course I don't think Tohru has fallen under a spell, but I think maybe she received a shock of some kind, causing her to lose consciousness." He paused, seeming to gather his thoughts again, "I don't know what that shock could have been, but I do think I know what could snap her out of it."  
  
When he didn't immediately expound on that teasing comment, both Kyou and Yuki jumped into the breach, loudly demanding to hear the doctor's idea. Hatori seemed to be uncertain about involving the two boys, but he caught Shigure's eye over their heads and thought he finally understood what the inu had been planning.  
  
His green eyes narrowed on his devious cousin, who only gazed back, innocently raising his brows as if to say, "What?" The dragon didn't know how the inu had managed to make Tohru-kun pass out, but he was certain the man would never do anything to harm the little rice ball. His examination of her had proved no lasting harm had come to her, and Hatori finally relaxed and let himself go along with what he suspected to be another of Shigure's plans to push the boys closer to Tohru-kun.  
  
"She simply needs to be shocked out of her shock," he stated simply.  
  
When Yuki and Kyou continued to look blankly at him, the dragon sighed and clarified, "Tohru-kun needs to be exposed to something else that will snap her out of her current state," when both boys began to protest, obviously thinking the worst, Hatori interrupted hastily, "Nothing that will harm her, of course, just some kind of jolt. It doesn't have to be much, simply something...unexpected...should do the trick."  
  
When it became obvious neither the rat nor the cat had any ideas forthcoming, Hatori offered some help. "Simply telling her something she doesn't expect to hear should do the trick," he offered, breathing a silent sigh of relief when a light bulb finally came on over both boys' heads. Hatori glared at Shigure for dragging him into such a situation, silently letting him know he was not going to assist any farther. The inu only shrugged, confident the combative cousins could figure the rest out on their own.  
  
Kyou huffed and said, "I'm not going in there and doing anything to that stupid girl," he looked away from all in the hallway, but could not hide the blush on his cheeks at the thought of Tohru being shocked by something he did.  
  
After all, what could he possibly do to scare her? She hadn't flinched (much)when he had transformed into his monster form...what else could he possibly come up to compete? So instead, he turned away, muttering a string of curses, heading for the solitude of his rooftop perch.  
  
It galled him when Ayame opened his big mouth to say the one thing certain to get under his skin.  
  
"Ah! How noble of you, Kyoun-kichi, to conceded the battle to my wonderful, princely brother, Yuki! After all, he is the truly Charming one," the snake laughed at his play on words, but was deprived of further sport when Kyou stalked down the hall and out of sight.  
  
All eyes turned to Yuki, who jumped and said defensively, "What?"  
  
When no one said anything further, his cheeks began to heat, as well, and he demanded, "What do you expect me to do? I can't scare Honda-san! I car- ," he cut himself off abruptly, flushing from neck to hairline.  
  
Pausing a moment to gather his wits, he straightened his spine and marched up to Tohru's door as if he were facing the gallows instead of the private sanctuary of a soft, sweet girl.  
  
A soft, sweet girl whom he was madly in love with, a small voice whispered in the back of his mind.  
  
And that's why I can't say anything to hurt her, he retaliated viciously.  
  
Ah, came the voice again, persuasively, seductively (it sounded eerily like Shigure's voice), but can't you think of a few things to do to her that wouldn't hurt her...but maybe would make her feel...good?  
  
Yuki blushed an even brighter red, trying to savagely squelch the purringly persuasive (and definitely perverted) voice, but it was too late. Heated images flooded his brain, and his hands shook slightly as he shut the door behind him. He was only doing this for Honda-san's sake.  
  
For a moment, he simply stared at the slender form draped upon the bed, tucked up innocently in her blankets. The little voice continued to breathe suggestions into his ear, and Yuki tried-he really tried!-to ignore the little devil, but the sight of Tohru, all soft and vulnerable tore at his resolve.  
  
After a few pats to the cheek and no response, not even a flutter of thick, sooty eyelashes, Yuki began to give in to the heat building in his blood.  
  
He loved her, didn't he? And she never shied away from him, blushed prettily when he was near, even sometimes held his hands, right?  
  
It was becoming harder and harder for him to remember why he was supposed to be battling his inner demon, and when a soft sigh escaped Tohru's plump, pink lips, Yuki finally gave in to the idea that had been twisting around in his brain-and the urges that had building for two years.  
  
Silence reigned out in the hallway as the three men stationed at the door tried to hear what was happening on the other side.  
  
Shigure wore a perpetual smirk, Ayame looked anxiously at his cousins, fearful his brother would fail and leave Kyou to be Tohru's hero (No! He himself would step in and rescue the damsel in distress before he would allow that to happen! For the sake of his beloved little brother!). Hatori simply stood by with a disapproving scowl marring his handsome brow, though he remained as quiet as the other two.  
  
Minutes passed, and still no sign of movement registered from the occupants of the room.  
  
"Maa," Shigure whispered with a wicked twinkle in his eye, "either Yuki-kun doesn't have it in him, or he has great experience at keeping incredibly quiet."  
  
Hatori shot the inu a repressive glare while Ayame wrung his hands together worriedly.  
  
"Perhaps I should go in and see if my little brother needs any help...?"  
  
Shigure perked up at this suggestion, no doubt eager to 'assist', but Hatori put a heavy hand on the hebi's shoulder, halting any movement.  
  
"Actually, I think we should go downstairs and have some tea." The suggestion came out more like the order it was meant to be, and the other two men groaned in disappointment that the dragon was going to ruin their fun. At another pointed glare, though, they trooped obediently down the stairs, after one last attempt to eavesdrop.  
  
The sun was beginning to slant through the open windows at a steeper angle when Kyou descended from the roof. He found the Mabudachi Trio in the kitchen, sipping tea in unusually tense and heavy silence.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded, irritated that no one seemed to be looking after Tohru's welfare. "Why aren't you with Tohru?" he turned to Hatori, who simply gazed impassively back at the bristly teen.  
  
"Ha-san suggested my beloved brother Yuki should look after Princess Tohru, as he is all the medicine she needs!" came Ayame's glittering proclamation.  
  
Kyou stiffened in outrage, suddenly sorry he hadn't gone in to help Tohru when he had the chance. "You mean, that damn rat has been with Tohru all this time? Alone?!" he screamed, ready to tear up the stairs and rip his cousin limb from limb. He was halted, though, by the lazy drawl issuing from the doorway.  
  
"Yes, stupid cat," Yuki declared, leaning against the door frame with languid ease, "I have been." When Kyou turned beet red, Yuki couldn't resist pushing a few more buttons.  
  
"In Tohru's room, where she is resting comfortably...she was so tired," he paused maliciously, grinning with obvious satisfaction, "afterwards."  
  
" 'Afterwards' ?" Kyou repeated in confusion, "After what?"  
  
But that was all Yuki would say on the subject, leaving the cat to stew in his ignorance.  
  
Ayame's smile knew no bounds, and he bounced out of his chair to wrap his arm around his brother's shoulder, steering him to sit at the table with the other men.  
  
Shigure eyed his cousin thoughtfully, noting the small differences in his demeanor. Yuki seemed much more relaxed than he had been in a long time- more relaxed than ever, actually. And he had a soft, satiated light in his violet eyes, as well as something else that spoke of a new knowledge.  
  
The dog speculated to himself, then grinned madly. Had his plan worked? He would only know for certain when he saw Tohru-kun, as Shigure was positive Yuki would never kiss and tell, but all the signs were there. He resisted the strong urge to ask Yuki about his time in Tohru's room, but did not want to court the very real probability of being on the receiving end of Yuki's lightning-quick fists.  
  
The dog was delighted, therefore, when Kyou opened his mouth and asked the burning question for him.  
  
"Oi! Kuso nezumi, what did you do to Tohru to snap her out of it?"  
  
Yuki simply looked lazily up at his cousin, "Nothing bad," he replied, giving a small, mysterious smile, "I just used my head."  
  
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FB Cast: *groans at really, really bad pun*  
  
TT: What? *looks at disgusted expressions of everyone in sight* Oh, come on! It wasn't that bad.  
  
FB Cast: .......  
  
TT: Was it? *turns to audience with pleading look in her eye* Was it? 


End file.
